This article was first published in the Amarillo Pioneer in June 2018.

By Trent Rosser

As most of you know, Hunter is my wife’s $10.00 dog. She found him on Facebook and the next day, he was with us at his new home. The sellers of the puppies were just that; sellers. They advertised that they were selling the puppies for $10.00 and only had two remaining. There was no “rehoming fee.” They had the mother and father of the puppies, but they were not breeders. So, after looking at both puppies, my wife picked Hunter. He is a very mixed breed. Husky, Red Healer, German Shepard, and Lab mix. He looks more like a Lab than anything else. His coat is a little weird; looking at him, he looks like a Yellow Lab, but his undercoat has the markings of a German Shepard. Plus, he loves to talk back to you, just like a Husky does. We were lucky to get him. Well, at the time I thought we were lucky. Like I said before, I think he is trying to kill me.

I have told you about how he will lay his head on my neck as I am sleeping. I looked it up and it is supposed to show protection. The lower animals in a pack will protect the alpha males neck from an attack during a fight or when they are sleeping. It could be that he thinks that a vampire is going to break into the house while I am asleep and bite my neck! I still think that he is trying to choke me out! I have also talked about how Hunter and I have an ongoing feud. Every time I think I am winning, he does something to hurt me. Like when I touch the electric fence while reaching down to retrieve his tennis balls! But this time, he has pushed it to the limit. He is eating MY food, and he is very sneaky about it.

About a year ago, I was working evenings and would come home a little after 8 pm. My lovely wife would have supper waiting for me on the stove. Of course, I do not expect her to wait for me because every now and then, something would come up and I would have to stay late. This one evening, I came home to fresh biscuits and gravy. I knew we did not have sodas in the fridge, so before I sat down and ate, my wife and I loaded up and went to the convenience store to get a fountain drink. When we came home, both dogs were happy to see us. This is usual because even if we just walked to the mailbox, they both act like we have been gone for years! With our fresh fountain drinks now on the table, I go to the kitchen to fix my plate. Problem was, everything was gone. Here is the strange thing about it. Nothing was on the floor; the skillet and cooking sheet was still on the stove and the spatula was still in the skillet as well. It looked as if the food just disappeared. We literally thought for a moment, that someone came into our house and stole our food. Again, the spatula had not moved, the skillet still on the same burner in the same spot. The cooking sheet for the biscuits was still there and had not moved either. They were both licked clean. Why would someone break into our house to steal cooked food? I searched the house and found nothing. Of course, Hunter is right on my heels looking around also. It had to be the dogs, but how did they get the spatula back in the skillet?

Every now and then we like to have breakfast for supper. As you can tell already, we like biscuits and gravy. We also like sausage and pancakes for supper. I had bought my wife a new copper griddle and it is amazing. So the other night she fixed sausage and pancakes on it. We have company staying at the house, so I made sure that she bought the 2lb breakfast sausage. I love sausage! When I came home she met me at the door. She was telling me about how good of a dog Hunter really is and how much he loves us and protects us from people walking down the street and the evil squirrels that throw nuts at him. She was really hamming him up. Then she broke the news. She had four big fluffy pancakes and twelve pieces of sausage waiting for me on the stove just for me. But then she explained that while she was in the shower, just moments ago, someone broke in and ate all the food….again! I was a little upset, but I explained to my wife that,“I know that he is a good dog, and something must be going on? I don’t mind going to bed hungry tonight, he will just have to sleep outside though.” My wife did fix me a couple more pancakes, but it just wasn’t the same without the sausage.

A few days passed by and one afternoon I was asleep. I had been working graveyard shift and trying to get as much sleep as possible. Hunter woke me up by trying to choke me out and kill me around 2 that afternoon. I got up, talked to the wife for a bit and went to the restroom. As I walked past the kitchen, I saw half a pizza on the counter. My wife had just told me that she cooked pizza and the other half was mine when I got hungry. I come out of the restroom, go to the kitchen, and get a plate out of the cupboard. There, on the counter, right next to an empty pizza pan is Marco the cat. Hunter is at my feet looking at me, then looking at the cat. He looks at me again, and then back to the cat. It was like he was trying to blame the cat. Both the cat and the dog are licking their lips! I have never wanted to punt kick a cat until that moment. Then I realize that a two pound cat cannot eat half a pizza. I look at Hunter and he scurries back behind my wife. The cat just stares at me. I am trying to figure out if Marco has cat breath or frozen pizza breath. Oh well, looks like it is Ramen noodles for me!