The other day I looked at my wife and said something that shocked her. I looked at her and said, “I’m thinking about going to college.” I knew that she would be on the floor laughing and that would settle it. I would not go to college. She didn’t laugh. She looked me right in the eye and said “That’s probably a good idea. I have read your article, and I think a writing class would be good for you.” Sarcastically I replied “Honey, I was not thinking about a writing course until now, thanks!” So, the question is, what do I take? What would be my major? What am I good at? As a recovering alcoholic and former homeless transient, I thought that I could become a licensed drug and alcohol counselor. Unfortunately, the college does not offer that course any longer. Plus, I looked up the average salary and realized that they really do not get the appreciation that they deserve! Then I thought about will I have time to do anything really? After all, I already have a lot on my plate. I made up my mind that school just wasn’t for me. Then my wife got a hold of me and showed me the way. Or to be precise, explained that some of the positions that I have held in the past were good, but could have been so much better with that little piece of paper that says I completed college. To prove her point, she showed me salaries of people that were doing the same thing that I do and have done in the past. The average was about twice what I was making. So, as always, she was right. I am headed to college.
Now, I went to college before back in 2000. I had a full-time job and was drinking heavily so I didn’t have time for class. Needless to say, I didn’t last long. Now the question remains. What do I take? Accounting? No, not my cup of tea. Welding? Did that in high school during ag class, that is until I caught the classroom on fire. Truck driver? Well, I have been a dispatcher for years, but I really do not want to be away from home that long and who will hire me with the DWI on my record? Not many would, but being a dispatcher is something that I really enjoyed. Being in management is something that I liked. I managed truck drivers and I managed an oil change shop here in town. Eureka that’s it! I will become a manager. So, after looking up management, I found out that there are a few choices. Restaurants and culinary management. That won't work, I will eat all the profits, and again, possible burn the place down. Hotel and hospitality management, again, that is a no. I understand customer service, but trying to talk to a grumpy customer because he did not receive a mint on the pillow? Yea, I see jail time on that scenario. They even have call center management. Again, since I am not much of a people person, I see this as a waste of money for me. Can you image me at a call center? “Hello, thank you for calling Electric Service of America. The reason your bill is so high is because you left your damn lights on!”
Finally, I found the answer, Business Management. Now the past years I have managed many truck drivers. You had to find loads, deal with their pay, hours of service (per D.O.T. regulations) keep in contact with the customer as well as many other aspects of the trucking industry. I didn’t mind talking with the customers there. They usually understand when or why a load is late. I also managed an oil change shop for over the road trucks. At one time we were the largest oil change shop across the nation and I help get them there. We were also the second store at that time to start changing tires on over the road trucks and I also helped implement that as well. I had a total of 49 employees and was not allowed to hire any more, because it would put us in a different tax bracket. Another manager and myself was able increase sales for the store itself. At the time, there were 34 stores across the nation and we brought the sales up from 27th place to the top 3. We grossed over $300,000.00 a month, yet I still could not operate that damn fax machine! Business Management it is! Yep, IM GOING TO SCHOOL!
CRAP! I'M GOING TO SCHOOL?? How am I going to do this? What do I wear? I mean, I went to college for a very short time, like just a couple of classes. I have no idea what I’m doing! I know that the times have changed quite a bit since last time I really went. My best years in school was in Jr High in the mid and late 80’s. I don’t think the girls still wear the shoulder pads and big hair. Do I need to brush up on my break dancing skills in case there is a dance? Will my wife leave me when she sees my break dancing skills? What about fraternity’s? Do I try to join one or not? I think not. After all, the only reason that they will let me join is because I’m the only one that is of age to buy the beer! I know that the dress code has changed quite a bit, but at least the holy jeans are coming back. I have no idea what the lingo is now a day. Unless “whippersnapper” is a cool word now. What about bullies? Will I have to fork over lunch money? These are just a few things that run through my head as I am filling out the proper paperwork to get everything started. Of course, I am sure that I don’t have to worry about too much of this. If all else fails, I will have my wife bake some cookies for the teacher and the entire class and win them over with sweets!
So, wish me luck as my wife and I start a new chapter in our lives. She has supported me through this whole ordeal and I owe a lot to her. She has patiently sat by and help me realize what I needed to do and pushed me to fulfill this chapter in our book of life. I know she can’t hold my hand and go to class with me, but I hope that she will bail me out of jail the first time I have an issue with that damn fax machine!
